The Golden Hour
As mothers, we know the golden hour after the delivery of our baby to be the one hour of uninterrupted mommy and baby time to bond privately, get that initial skin to skin contact, and breastfeed. Before all of the anxious family members take turns seeing the baby for the first time as well. We all look forward to this moment. The pivotal moment where you finally hold your baby after the long awaited 9 months. The bliss and the love. It’s irreplaceable.
But does every mom truly experience this same blissful bonding moment?
Truthfully, the answer is no. And that is perfectly okay. As we know, every birthing story is different. Mothers go through various struggles during labor and delivery whether you have your baby naturally, via a cesarean, emergency circumstances etc. and every single part of labor impacts you mentally as well as physically.
My story is unique in that I did end up having an emergency c-section for my first child. This was my first major surgery, first time ever admitted into the hospital at that, and to say I was nervous is an understatement. After surgery my body was in complete shock. I was freezing, my body was shaking uncontrollably, I was nauseous and in a complete daze from all of the medications my body wasn’t used to having. Did I want to hold my precious baby for the first time feeling like that? Of course not!! I could barely hold my hands/arms still. Honestly after surgery everything was a blur. I remember my husband and I being back in the room and he was holding Cairo and I was just praying the shakes and the coldness and nausea would pass quickly. The nurses came in to get me to hold my baby and attempt to breastfeed and Elijah captured our first photo but I remember shortly thereafter just handing Cairo right back to him. And then we allowed our family to enter and see and hold the baby for the first time.
Where was my golden hour?? Where was the bliss and the initial bond and butterflies you feel when you first hold your first child? I felt guilty. Like something was wrong with me. Like I already wasn’t doing motherhood justice.
Well, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Though we didn’t have the carved out “golden hour” to bond and have that first amazing interaction, that is okay. We will have an abundance of cuddles and amazing mommy and baby moments. We bonded for nine months as he was growing in my belly and I prayed over him every night. We shared blissful moments with every kick I felt, every hiccup that came from him in my womb, and we connected - though not immediately out of my womb, but we inevitably connected as mother and child and will continue to do so for the rest of his life. So was I robbed of the golden hour?? Absolutely not.
After speaking with other moms who had similar experiences after a c-section, I felt better. I felt more normal. The guilt subsided and I realized, every story is different. I am grateful the hospital sets up that time for mothers to connect with the baby after delivery; however, if you are not mentally or physically coherent enough to truly embrace the moment - it is okay. Just because your birth story wasn’t like someone else’s or even how you envisioned it to be. It’s okay. You did it mama. You got through it and YOU my love brought life into this world.
Let that sink in.
I am grateful for my husband who was right there for me every step of the way. HE in fact got his golden hour. And that is more special to me. As I recovered from surgery, he held our precious baby skin to skin for the hour that I couldn’t. He got to bond with our son in ways that he couldn’t as he was in my womb. And I love that that is our birth story.
🤍J. Leigh
