10 Postpartum Truths
I didn’t recognize myself after I had my babies. Especially after my second baby. Maybe because I had them so close together, but after Jayce I felt like such a different person. Mentally and physically. And it was a little scary.
It’s hard for me to verbally say, or admit to postpartum depression/anxiety because I don’t like to speak anything negative over myself; however, it is always necessary to be aware of your mental and emotional state - especially after having a baby. And to get the help needed.
A lot of moms don’t speak too much on the postpartum journey. We always hear about pregnancy and the wonderful and sometimes challenging moments of growing our little ones inside of us - but what about afterwards? After the 9 months is over and our bundle of joy is finally out and we are trying to “get back to ourselves”. The hormonal imbalance, the hair loss, the depression, maternity leave (or lack thereof), the sleep deprivation and so much more. A lot of times we suck it up and smile because we think we have to. Because we fear others will judge us. Because we think we’re “supposed” to be happy and that we’re supposed to be ok. But it’s ok to not be ok.
And please, don’t get me wrong, it’s NOT all bad and dreadful - but there are some hard moments we as mothers face even after pregnancy before we are truly “back to normal” (whatever that means). I wrestled with postpartum anxiety for a bit before truly getting back to me .. or should I say back to a more recognizable version of me. And within that process, I experienced a lot of things no one warned me about!!
Here are my 10 Postpartum truths:
Sweating - The night sweats. The day sweats. The breastfeeding sweats. I felt like I was always hot and breaking out into random sweats! Come to find out - it’s completely normal! Postpartum sweating can last several weeks after delivery, and it tends to last longer if you're breastfeeding – because of a lower estrogen level.
Body odor - And with the sweating comes - body odor! Again, also normal. Hormonal changes can also produce body odor! I remember I was taking at least two showers a day. One in the morning to wash off the night sweats and one in the evening to wash off all the daytime sweating, milk leaking, spit ups etc. AND - fun fact - if you're nursing your baby, your body will emit a stronger smell than normal through your underarm sweat to help your baby find its source of food. So, be prepared to sweat! Lol
Hair loss - This didn’t come as much of a shock to me. I was warned about potential hair loss. I even kept taking my prenatals to hopefully avoid the hair loss - but… it happened! Not a lot of hair loss thankfully but enough for ME to notice (mostly around the edges) but how annoying! Excessive hair shedding is completely normal and again caused by those hormone levels getting back to where they need to be.
Mood swings/hormonal imbalance - Alright, so most of us know about the mood swings and the hormonal imbalance. Right after giving birth, your estrogen and progesterone levels drop dramatically, which can contribute to the “baby blues” (mood swings, anxiety, sadness or irritability), which typically resolve within a few weeks or so of birth. Or cause postpartum depression (similar symptoms that are more intense and last longer. Six months postpartum is a good estimate for when your hormones will go back to normal. But let me say during this time, I was a rollercoaster!! Some days I was genuinely happy and in such a blissful emotional state and other days (also due to the sleep deprivation) just completely drained, irritable, and confused! It was a mess! But I found comfort in knowing it was completely normal and I was not alone! I read mommy blog after mommy blog and realized wow, other women are going through this and I’m not crazy!
Anger/Rage - Another symptom of PPD/PPA is anger and rage which also stems from those hormones balancing back out. And I had NO idea! I assumed PPD meant you’re always crying or unhappy so I was shocked to find out that anger/rage was also common symptom. Irritability can easily happen in those initial weeks postpartum because you’re exhausted, achy, bleeding, etc. It’s almost like an inevitable build up of all the new things our mind and body are experiencing. But of course, we never want it to negatively impact our home or babies - so if you are experiencing uncontrollable anger/rage - please talk to your doctor!
Constipation / Hemorrhoids - Your body needs time to get back into the swing of things after giving birth - and sometimes with particular medications you’re taking, it can cause constipation. Usually, your doctor will recommend taking a stool softener to help. Take it!!! Drinks LOTS of water, eat lots of fiber, because that first poop after the baby is out was painful (to say the least)!!
Diapers - I had nooo idea that people would not only be buying diapers for my newborn, but for me as well! The hospital supplies you with them for the excessive bleeding that happens after giving birth. Not my most attractive moment, but thank God for loving nonjudgmental husbands, lol.
Sore/Bleeding Nipples - For my breastfeeding mamas, those first few weeks (sometimes longer) can be HARD, as baby gets accustomed to latching and we adjust to baby’s feeding demands. I remember my nipples being cracked and hurting and bleeding so bad I would cringe every time he latched until the pain subsided. Of course nipple cream was my savior but despite the pain, baby’s gotta eat!
Couch potato - Y’all!! I did not leave my couch 😂. Healing from my second c-section was a little tougher than my first - and walking up and down the stairs of my house was a no-go. So for the first few weeks I literally lived on the couch. Lol. In my pajamas.
Lastly, The Identity Crisis - The struggle between embracing my new self and missing my old self was so real! I thoroughly enjoyed the new role of mommy God blessed me with and prayed for it, but it also felt like the changes all happened so fast! One minute I’m partying on a Tuesday after work just because, and the next I am wearing postpartum diapers, pumping, managing leaking breasts, and learning how to take care of a newborn and toddler! I was happy and confused all at the same time. Not yet confident in knowing how to be a mom of two, but not the “free spirit” I used to be…. It was truly a mental battle I was unprepared for. But with prayer, my wonderful patient husband, an amazing support system, therapy, and TIME, I ultimately found my way back to me. I embraced the changes and feel more whole and more full of love and life than ever before.
While you’re giving all of you to your baby (and other children) it’s hard to see you or find you in the process. You almost diminish yourself in light of your children. Because that how we as mamas are. The nurturers. The heart of the family. But, we have to remember to do whatever it takes to make sure we are whole. Whether it is speaking with a therapist, counselor, or spiritual leader - mamas we have to remember to take care of ourselves too!
I am definitely becoming whole again. And all I can say is it just took TIME. But I also healed by writing and sharing these experiences. By expressing the reality of motherhood and how my journey has been unfolding. Writing was especially my release in those initial few months after giving birth. The nights I stayed up late wrestling thoughts, fighting tears, fighting with the baby to sleep, cluster feeding, etc… I used writing as my therapy. I wanted to release those feelings and then just document the process as well to potentially help another mom out there going through the same thing! Because we never want to feel like we’re alone in this. Reading other mom’s stories inspired me to share my stories and ultimately start this blog so I can only pray I can help someone else through this crazy journey I’m on 🙂.
