Date Night
After we had kids, my husband and I promised each other we would not stop dating!! I think it’s so important to remember US, and our relationship outside of the kids.
Of course being a parent is a full time job and we are so blessed - but it is essential that we continue to pour into our relationship. Continue to build our bond and make sure we keep our friendship and the intimacy alive! Remember the things that bring us joy and that brought us together, even before the kids.
I even think back to our first date night after our youngest, Jayce, was born. We waited a few months - to give myself time to heal after my c-section. It was our first weekend as husband and wife with me not being pregnant. Needless to say, we were excited!! Ready to enjoy an amazing date night and just be with each other with no distractions.
My husband did an amazing job of catering to my every need. And truly putting a smile on my face. He is so selfless and truly my best friend. The funny thing is, I remember that night everywhere we went strangers kept stopping us to tell us how great we looked. Literally it happened like 4 times. Maybe it was newlywed glow, maybe we looked extremely happy to finally be enjoying a weekend away from our kids, lol - or maybe… we were just us. And people couldn’t help but see the love and the joy we share as husband and wife. We weren’t doing anything special - just in our own little world - being us.
The goal was to relive the moments we would have before kids when we were just dating. We decided to do what we love doing - eating and drinking. We went to brunch, and also to trendy roottop bar with music and great food. I wanted to enjoy our night, have a few glasses of wine, and I wanted to bring out the old J. Leigh!
But over that weekend, I remember I had the greatest epiphany. For the past few years, after having my babies, I’ve been in search of myself. In search of normalcy. In search of the young vivacious girl I left behind in 2018 before my first pregnancy. I’ve been trying to find me again. Trying to relive the moments and memories of my early 20s when I was such a free spirit.
That was my husbands and I first weekend since we had gotten married that I wasn’t pregnant and we were going to enjoy each other. No pandemic. No inlaws living with us. No babies. Just enjoy each other. Date night. Wine. Music. Everything 😉. I was beyond excited as I thought the old me would have the chance to emerge once again.
But by the end of the night I realized - I can’t resurrect the old me. And I don’t want to. My husband loves me as his wife and mother of his children. And you know what, I love it too. I’m not the wild 20 something that could finish a bottle of wine in one night. And as we were out, though I was supposed to be enjoying my date night - I couldn’t stop thinking about my kids. Wanting to hold my baby and rock him to sleep. Snuggling next to him as I breastfed. Kissing my two year old goodnight before his dad put him to bed. These are the moments I crave. That I live for. Not long nights paying for overpriced drinks in a crowded bar. I craved the feeling of sitting in my new normal and embracing nights on the couch with my hubby. Eating snacks and laughing about what silly things or boys did or what new milestones they reached that day.
Don’t get me wrong, the night out was amazing and just what I needed. And I needed it to understand that I hadn’t lost anything. But gained a new me. A maturer me. A maternal me. I gained a life that God knew I needed.
That young vivacious carefree 20 something year old girl was something else. She was cocky. She was lost. She was wreckless. She was wild. She was beautiful. But she needed refining. And though some parts of me of course still do exist, all in all, I don’t need to relive those years or revive that person. Because my desires have changed.
I .. have changed. For the better.
Date night was amazing. And I found me. The new me.
