Balancing Marriage & Motherhood
I have two toddler boys at home so needless to say we are busy! Between work, managing the house, and finding enough energy to play and tend to the boys, by the evening I am completely DONE!
Now that I am out of the newborn fog, the reality of being a boy mom of two is settling in - the daily demands of tasks to juggle is growing, and the realization of how freaking hard it is to be a working mom and wife is hitting hard! And as I enter each new phase, and begin to learn more about myself and my family - I am coming to grips that there really is no end. There are just new beginnings. New trials. New milestones. New things to discover. Continuous newness. But if that weren’t the case, wouldn’t we get so bored with life? We need the newness. We need the ups and downs. We need the lessons to learn from. I know I do. I need my boys to keep me on my toes. My husband to be my balance. And most importantly God to guide me.
But as I’m settling into now accepting that as a parent you will just be juggling ALL the things…. I also accept that sometimes, you really just won’t know HOW to. I have become SO engulfed in being a mom of two - especially having two under two - they required so much of my energy and my body and I am so devoted to learning how to be the best mom that I can possibly be, learning what’s best for my kids, how to teach them and nurture them properly, how to be hands on with them but also let them be independent .. I mean the list goes on! But in my devotion to caring for my children who absolutely require ALOT right now - I can admit that I have struggled to find the balance between marriage and motherhood.
Marriage is just as new to me as motherhood. And though I have always been a long term relationship kinda girl, marriage is different. But when adapting to both being a wife and a mommy at the same time… I inevitably found myself unable to place my full attention into both. I’m sure other ladies can relate.
Not that I don’t fully desire my husband and crave date nights and cuddles on the couch watching our favorite shows (amongst other things) … I know that I cannot neglect my children. I knew I had to breastfeed every three hours or less. No question. So sorry hubby - you’ve gotta make your own dinner tonight. After being all touched out, exhausted from 5/6am wake ups, and blow outs, etc, I can barely keep my eyes open after the kids are finally down for the night. And then where does that leave hubby??
Now I’m not saying that my husband was expecting me to be ALL the things ALL the time, but I know that who I was to him, with him, and for him has changed once kids have entered the picture. My sex drive lessened after baby number two, becoming a working mom is taxing, and sometimes, I am SO much to my kids and trying to keep my head on straight for myself - that my husband does at times have to fend for himself.
Marriage isn’t always 50/50 they say. And though I want to be ALL the things for everyone, I simply can’t. And I don’t know how to. And though I wish this was one of those encouraging blog posts where I have a list of suggestions for new moms and wives struggling to balance it all - the reality is, I don’t. I don’t have a list. I don’t have a recommendation. And I am actually soliciting advice from other moms/wives to figure out - “How the HECK do you do it!!”
How do you balance hubby and babies. How do you find the energy to maintain a sex life?! How do you cope with feelings of guilt for not being able to do it all? Or feeling depleted? Or resenting hubby for getting more sleep? Or feeling alone and unsure why you feel the way that you do? HOW do you cope???
I know we all know the basics - ask for help, get a sitter, do something out of the norm to ignite that spark - but I find sometimes those suggestions can be easier said than done. I find it may work for a short while and then you’re back to the drawing board.
It gets easier they say. And I know that. The older the kids get, the more independent they’ll be, and the more I’ll regain a sense of self and a sense of my relationship; however, I cannot neglect my marriage until the kids are independent lol. So, I lately have realized that asking for help is good (though you may not always get it). Getting a sitter is a great idea (though you may not always have one available or someone you trust). Talking about it is good - but when you are so overwhelmed and overstimulated it’s hard to discuss those matters that are really close to heart without emotions coming into play.
So balancing marriage and motherhood, let’s be for real - it’s HARD! But a supportive partner helps! One that sees your internal battle and daily list of demands and steps in to alleviate what’s on your plate. Becoming a sahm after I had Jayce was the best thing and so needed and I’m glad my husband and I were on one accord about that. He gave me the space to figure me out again. But now I realize, we have to figure out our relationship again. We have to have a balanced, equally yoked, supportive, intimate marriage. I’m learning what marriage itself even means. It’s not butterflies and sunshine all day every day. It’s not always going to feel like the honeymoon phase. It’s devoting yourself to learning yourself and your partner every single day. It’s compromise. It’s having difficult conversations. It’s understanding that there will be ups and downs and new stages and phases but the commitment to God and your partner will enable you to fight every single day to make it the best it can possibly be.
I get it. It will never be easy. But coming into these new seasons is eye opening.
And I appreciate the learning that God is having me experience.
🤍J. Leigh
